Shanghai (Part 4)

Streets – places for people to walk. You’ll pass by countless construction projects on your journey – many of them with bamboo scaffolding. If you don’t want to get hit by falling debris, look up when you walk.

Cars do not hold people back from the walking in the middle of the street. Bicyclists have little regard for both cars and pedestrians. If you don’t want to be hit by a biker, look ahead when you walk.

The street is also the best place to empty your throat and nasal passages. Why not work up a nice loogie and deposit it onto the street for everyone to see? Everyone else is doing it. One woman bypassed spitting altogether by simply blowing her nose onto the sidewalk – one nostril at a time. If you don’t want to step in mucus, look down when you walk.


Street vendors – these people gather wherever there are crowds. There are two types of street vendor. One sells cheap pieces of crap, the other sells fake designer items. The cheap piece-of-crap vendor will set up shop in a high traffic area – along a busy sidewalk or next to a tourist destination. There, he will demonstrate the wonders of his particular piece of crap. All the piece-of-crap vendors each sell a different type of crap, and there are only about five different types at any one time. Popular items include: little woven pieces of crap (the piece-of-crap vendor will tell you he made these by hand – this is a lie), light-up spinning tops, the magic dancing puff ball (its not magic – the piece-of-crap vendor/magician holds it with thin, translucent string – don’t fall for that crap), and the ever popular goo-ball-that-goes-splat-when-you-throw-it-against-something-hard- but-then-reconstitutes-itself-moments-later. This item is by far the most prevalent. As you pass by a piece-of-crap vendor trying to sell this particular piece of crap, you will receive a demonstration. When half a dozen of them are all sitting along the same sidewalk, you will receive half a dozen demonstrations. “Wow, it splats and then reconstitutes itself.” “Wow, it splats and then reconstitutes itself.” “Wow, it splats and then reconstitutes itself.” “Wow, it splats and then reconstitutes itself.” “I was impressed the first ten times, but your demonstration really sold me.”

The fake-item vendor is a different breed. The fake-item vendor does not actually have his wares on his person. Instead, he carries a piece of paper with pictures of the items he sells – mainly Rolex watches and Louie Vuitton bags. He will hassle you no matter what you are doing. Sitting in a moving taxi? No problem for the fake-item vendor. He will knock on the window to let you know that he is selling Rolexes. “I know we were on our way to the airport, honey, but this man is selling authentic Rolexes, right here on the street! And they’re so cheap!” If you are on foot, you might get into an actual dialogue. “You want buy. Real Rolex,” he will say. “I don’t want it,” you will say. “What don’t you want?” he will ask. “What you are selling,” your friend will reply. He will slash his prices in half for you, right there on the street. Why? Because you are his friend. Where is his product? Tell him that you are interested, and he will stealthy lead you away from the busy street corner you are standing on, to an abandoned-looking door in a nearby darkened alley. You will go up a flight or two of dimly lit stairs and walk down a small, crumpling hallway to a little room that contains all his stuff and several members of his family ready to sell it to you.

The Old Jewish Section – you will go across the city to a part of town were Jewish refugees fleeing from the Germans were sheltered during the war. There is a museum there that used to be a synagogue. When you get there, the museum will be closed for renovations and will be gated off. There will be a guard standing outside the gate. Your friend will talk to him. He will tell the guard that you are very sad to see that the museum is closed. You are Jewish, you were looking forward to this, and you are leaving tomorrow. The guard will let you in – and give you a tour. He will know some Hebrew words, but no English words. This will be strange.


After the museum, you will wander around the neighborhood that used to hold twenty-five thousand Jewish refugees. An elderly man will approach you. For a small fee, he will give you a tour of the neighborhood. You accept. He will lead you around, showing you places where the Jewish community used to live and gather. No Jews remain in this neighborhood, but you will see several plaques commemorating their stay.