Beijing (Part 4)

The Great Wall – Badaling? Badda-bing! This massive defensive structure was built between 500 BC and 1600 AD making it the longest (yes, it’s a pun) construction project in the world. The thing stretches for over 4,100 miles, but only a small portion of it is renovated and open to the public. To avoid the crowds, get there as early as possible. This will also help you stay clear of the piece-of-crap vendors who flock to this wonder of human achievement to peddle their wares to tourists. The wall is incredibly steep in some places. Don’t wear heels. Take a taxi there, but don’t expect to find one to take you back. Instead, hop on the nearest departing bus and hope it takes you back to downtown Beijing. Pack yourself into the already overcrowded bus and try to fall asleep. Ignore the smell.










Szechwan Food – While in Beijing you will want to eat an authentic Szechwan meal. Your friend will ask people on the street for the location of a good restaurant. Your friend will have trouble pronouncing the word “Szechwan” using the proper Mandarin tones. Many people will have no idea what he’s talking about. They will lead you in circles. “There’s a good one in that department store.” In the store: “Where’s the Szechwan restaurant?” “What are you talking about?” – and so on. Finally you will give up and go to a Szechwan restaurant that is more tourist friendly. While waiting the twenty minutes for a table, your friend will become freaked out by the tour groups walking in and out of the dinning room and by the “4 Star” certification from the “Beijing Tourism Ministry” on the wall. “The food will not be good here,” he decides. “I want to leave.” He will not tell you this until you are about to sit down. You will leave the restaurant to try your luck on the street – again. After more unsuccessful attempts, you will finally meet a Beijinger (Beijingian? Person from Beijing) who knows what he’s talking about. He will give you the name of a good Szechwan restaurant. When you get there, things will start to look up. There will be many locals there and the wait staff will be friendly. The restaurant will look promising. When the food comes, you will be unable to eat it. It will burn your mouth. Peppers will be everywhere. It may as well be on fire. You will be able to tell that it would be delicious if not for the searing pain it causes when you try to eat it. Later, your friend will ask one of the friendly waitresses how to properly say the word “Szechwan”. He will try to say it a few times – unsuccessfully. He will say, “what is the name of the place where this type of food comes from?” The waitress will look at him as if he was some type of creature, unable to express thoughts and ideas. She will tell the other waitresses that the foreigner at table 2 just accosted her with some sort of crazy speak.