Paying Respects

Our school's science teacher’s father-in-law just died. The funeral is today, but last night the staff all went up to the Kofu funeral home to pay our respects at the wake-like-event.

So we get there (everyone’s in black – not surprisingly), walk in, and get in a long line. The line leads around the corner to a room where I can hear Buddhist chanting. There are a ton of people there – both waiting in line, and on their way out. I mean, I barely talk to this teacher, and I’ve never met his wife. I bet a lot of the people there were as loosely affiliated as I was. When you die in Japan, all the people-you-know’s friends and co-workers will come and pay their respects.

So, I’m standing in line, trying to figure out what’s going on. There is a group of men sitting behind tables near the wall. The men are friends and neighbors. People are giving them money. The money is in a special envelope and is either $30 or $50. This is a custom. The line leads to a room with an alter. Immediately in front of the alter is a priest, who is chanting. Behind him, to the left and right, are family members sitting in two groups, facing each other. In the center of the room, there is a table with four sets of incense jars(?). This is where the line leads. The people come up, four at a time, bow to both sets of family members (on the left and right), put their hands together for a second to pray, then take a pinch of incense pebbles(?) in their fingers, hold it up to their face (eyes closed, faced bowed), and put it in the adjacent jar(?). Then they “pray” again for a second, bow again to both sets of family members, and exit to the right. It takes about 15 seconds.

As I exited right, there were more men to bow to. Among them was the teacher. He thanked me. But, standing next to him was our principal. Was he well acquainted with the deceased? No, he was not. Then why is he in a place of honor? Because he is Kirikane Sensei’s boss. In Japan, if a family member dies, your boss will have a respected position at their funeral.

Leaving the room, there is a funeral home employee that hands out moist hand towels and thanks you for your hard work. Behind her is a group of woman (friends and neighbors) who hand out gifts. The gift is a set of special money envelopes – for funerals.